I know this is one of the hot topics for most of the discussions around. And to be very honest there is no definition which can satisfy each and every individual. Still, I thought let me define my own definition which might not work for others. Everyone is different and from each other. It could be their belief, values, perception, lifestyle, experience and learning from their own past.
If I really look into refined version of this word Feminism in a dictionary then it defines” The movement aimed at equal rights for women”.Till a few years back I didn’t know much about feminism. I was not very much aware that my decision on my life is a part of feminism or pseudo(Imitative) feminism.
I remember when I was too young, once my grandfather had advised my parents to adopt one boy as we were three sisters and it would be good if they can add one heir too. I didn’t know what happened to me that time and I had offended like anything and had a heated conversation. It was a big thing for me when I had revealed my opinion against that. Later it was a complete silence with no further discussions and no one raised that topic again!
The Later stage when I was in class 6, I had decided to join table tennis as an extracurricular activity. I was allowed to join without any questions and worries and I had to travel four kilometers by my bicycle or sometimes DTC buses daily to learn and practice. Apparently, I had planned to join swimming classes post my table tennis and I did so.
That continued till when I changed my school – as per my choice, college admissions – as per my choice, professional course-As per my choice. It was all my decisions and I had worked on those. My family supported me in all.
Then it came marriage, all again my choice to whom and when. To work or not to work after kids. I think if I really see myself then it was no stopping for me. I was one of those who had driven two wheelers in midnight on Delhi roads. I was one of those who had replaced punctured tyre of my two wheeler nine in a night in the middle of the road. I had traveled to every nook and corner alone and in odd hours too.
I wore jeans, t-shirt, a complete tom -boy look who used to travel a lot though within a city and since morning 6 till night 10. That time was different and I had a lot of learnings from those. I don’t regret any decision which I had taken for me and If I have regrets for few things then I always try now to improve on that as I can’t change the past and regretting over is no solution. I had loved all those things in past which I really wanted to do. I know how you feel and you are left to fly with your own speed and anywhere and anytime. After 15 years fast forward, I am the same and only thing which I know is that this freedom of choices is now termed as feminism.
Fifteen years is a big time for a change and of course, they have changed! Now I love long hairs, I love Silk Sarees, Chanderi and Handloom Salwar kameez, a big bindi. And It’s not making me any lesser than with those times which I had 15 years back .I know feminism is all about your freedom and choices you make for yourself. But now I am a mom and I can’t be again like I was in the twenties. There are responsibility and commitment which goes hand in hand with my family I can’t run on road midnight and won’t be like a college going girl. I do freak around in a day time before my children come back and do dress up as per my own wish irrespective of I should Look like a married, unmarried or a MOM.
I am a much-matured person now and I have a responsibility to nurture my next generation which I can never shirk off. And this phase is inevitable and I don’t have any regrets for it. I can’t afford to sleep more on weekdays like earlier because I know I have to send my children to school. I know rather than spending time in malls I will prefer spending time in Parks with my family.I don’t compare my duties with my husband as we both are different and we do our best for our family. I can’t point him out all the time that I have done this so you also do that. Relationships are not balance sheet where you write all give and take. Only one thing is important- A bond of love and commitment for your family.
If he has less time to take care of family even if he wanted then I will not do tit for tat. I will do my part of duties so that other person will learn automatically and if someone doesn’t want to share then forcefully you can’t make anyone to change. I think it’s good to learn through better examples and a language of love. It’s more powerful than fighting back and fighting for your feminism. Feminism is not confined to only women. There are many men who had worked a lot to empower women and there are many women too who had pulled back other women.
Feminism is a big power. We all women have that and some are able to recognize it and some missed it . If we have the power to love all to great extent then we do have powers to destroy all evil. For me, feminism is not same freedom which I had 15 years back but for me, it’s to accept every change as a challenge and tuning it to as per my choice and as per my family too which should not harm others. Honestly, I am not a person who will frown if I have the surprise guest at my home. We will both welcome them and it’s not mandatory to serve them 5 or 7-course meal. If you are really connected to them with love and respect then they will feel you even in Toor daal and rice. My feminism is also about society and duties and contribution. Others might think that how can one person change the whole society but I do believe every number counts.
I am not the one who will justify all each and everything with heated discussions. If he is not able to look after my parents, even if he wanted to do or never denied me to do then, of course, I will take care of my parents in law too. It’s not justifying our duties Vs responsibilities. It all about how you share the load as One or We and not I and YOU.
Marriage is not which will be left you alone. It’s all about your will- power and choices,preferences how you make it more successful and I can vouch on that if you are willing to work on this then no external force can affect your personal lives.
Of course, leaving aside few extreme cases where few people are expert in making others life hell. But Your inner feminist power is much powerful than this evil.
Think again and search your own power of feminism! There is absolutely no standard definition for it!
PS: This is purely my thoughts as what I feel about feminism. People might have different views and they are definitely welcomed by me!
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